Friends for dating in

Using dating sites to find love is inefficient and prone to failure.

We typically set the stakes too high, and centuries worth of societal tropes and expectations can cripple the authenticity of our interactions.

This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of dating and relationships.

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I mentioned my predicament to Jessica, and she excitedly revealed that her good friend had just moved to the city I was visiting.

She quickly connected us via Facebook, where her friend and I immediately hit it off and subsequently spent the whole weekend together.

We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.

By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a approach to dating.

Despite the romantic promise of most dating sites, the likelihood of discovering that your internet date is truly compatible with you across all major dimensions of compatibility is quite low.

According to PEW research, as of last year, only 11% of US adults have used online dating sites, and of those, only 23% have actually entered into a relationship with someone they met there.

There’s a reason why some of the most popular and effective dating apps today rely heavily upon your mutual friends.

Both online and offline, friends provide instant validation and accountability.

Consequently, that one person who previously would’ve been a single “yes/no” one-off date with no followup instead becomes not just a friend, but a fantastic advocate in our quest to build future friendships and relationships.

The most effective strategy for finding a good relationship is thus to optimize dating sites for finding Friends understand our needs, become invested in our story, and enthusiastically introduce us to more of their friends.

Sex and romance can definitely still happen in the context of friendship-first dating, but they are never assumed or expected, and the top priority is always to understand and validate someone’s existing preferences and goals rather than imposing your own goals and expectations upon them.

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