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What would it mean for you to truly step into the fight for trans rights?How can you grow your empathy for us enough to believe we deserve public, joyful, shameless love for ourselves and from our partners?
Dating as a trans woman (online or in person) often means an exhausting stream of inappropriate, fetishizing, dehumanizing, and sometimes violent messages asking about my genitals, people expecting praise for fetishizing me, and others assuming my identity is either not authentic or repulsive in some way.
This gets even more complicated when trans women are trying to date straight cisgender men.
The so-called “trans panic” defense is still widely used to reduce sentencing and plea for lesser charges in cases of violence against transgender people.
It’s pretty terrifying to navigate a dating pool where you’re both disqualified from people’s dating preferences when you disclose your trans status up front, but then also threatened with violence when you choose not to share the details of your genitals before the other person can “accidentally” fall in love with you.
It’s just a really personal preference for me.”These people, and many others in the world, feel that it’s okay if trans people want to be out and live their life as a woman, a man, or a non-binary person, but ultimately, they say that they are just “not attracted” to any transgender people.
Before we talk about how that sentiment alone is transphobic, I want to be direct about the fear that trans people, especially trans women, face in the world of dating cisgender people.
Some of these things can be dismissed as annoyances or just well-intentioned people being ignorant, however, such a sliding scale of transphobia can sometimes slide all the way down to justifying the murder of trans women with comments like the ones made by comedian Lil Duval recently on New York’s Power 105.1 FM radio show This is also an important time to remind you that in 48 states, it is an admissible, legal defense in a courtroom to say you were driven temporarily insane by the revelation that a trans person is a trans person.
You can even use this defense to avoid charges for the violence you’ve caused to a trans person in such a state of “insanity”.
It also says a lot that these are the first things I heard, much louder and more common than excitement, gratitude for my trust, and celebration of my trans identity.
And even more importantly, these barriers are not a problem for trans people because we have universally bad work ethic or because we aren’t worthy of love, these barriers exist because many cisgender people imagine us as a burden, a drain on resources, a political liability, something “weird” to tolerate, a challenge, confused, mentally-ill (which is ableist), sexual fetishists, and so many other frameworks that place the burden on trans people for navigating a world that doesn’t respect us, doesn’t validate us, doesn’t support our basic human rights to free expression, and doesn’t empower us to be in positions of leadership in society.
Transphobic people will assert practically anything to get away from the much simpler truth, what trans people have been saying for decades: that trans women are simply women who were mistakenly assigned male at birth.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating