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They answered the phone and handled the notifications and arrangements when we just wanted to curl up and die. Truly, all things offered in the spirit of love and friendship will be appreciated, but please do keep in mind that no matter how well intentioned, some things are better left unsaid.Your friend doesn’t want to hear that he’ll be alright. No matter how many people are around, your friend feels alone, and unless you too have lost a child, the last thing he wants to hear is that you know how he feels — you don’t.
As you walk this uncharted course with your friend, you will likely spend a good deal of time feeling quite powerless.
You may even fear for your friend’s ability to survive the tragedy and question your ability to be of any real assistance.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak with authority, especially for those of us whose loss was sudden. We were with him one night and woke the next morning to find his lifeless body on the floor in his bedroom.
I’ll spare you most of the details, but I will share this: once I stopped pounding on his chest and futilely blowing air into his fluid filled lungs, all the while knowing that it was already too late, I continued to shout his name and cry out loud until finally my voice cracked and failed.
Your desire will be to help but you’ll not know how.
This is where you must understand that there is no getting it right. Your friend will see better days, and you really can help, but their recovery will take time.
They are forever changed, and it is a “new normal” that they seek.
The good news is that you can help your friend find that new normal.
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